I wish to report a hate crime. Not merely am I
reporting one hate crime I am reporting five hate crimes under each of the protected
characteristics.
Unfortunately, I was born with a blue nose. But not
merely is my nose blue, the whole of my body is blue too. I may not look blue
to you, but I identify as blue and in particular I identify as having a blue
nose.
Recently my husband who has a tendency to wear white
and green stripes took to mocking my blue nose. He called me a Hun and he didn’t
use it as short for Honey. He thinks that blue people are worse than everyone
else who lives in Scotland. He believes that blue people have smaller brains
and that we are all lazy. He wants to round up all of the blue people in
Scotland from the river Clyde to the North Sea and either kill us or deport us.
I want police Scotland to come and arrest him instantly.
My husband also hates me because of my religion. You
see I believe that in Antarctica in the year 500 BC there came a prophet who
evangelised to the penguins. He taught the penguins how to read and write and
they recorded his thoughts and wrote them down. Unfortunately, this book is
little known, but I was able to obtain a copy and it is all true. But my
husband keeps telling me that there were no people living in Antarctica in 500
BC and that my book is a lot of lies and nonsense. He keeps mocking my religion
and telling me that my evangelist to the penguins did not exit. Worse he
obtains penguin meat and hangs it up all around our house. But it is forbidden
for me to be in the presence of penguin meat. Please arrest him.
I also have a disability. Unfortunately, I was born
with two heads. Of course, if you look at me you won’t notice the second head.
My disability is that I can feel the second head and I identify as two headed
without anyone else being able to see the head. This is why I am so brainy and able
to write so many articles. But my husband keeps mocking me for having two heads
and he keeps telling me that all the two headed people in Scotland should be
rounded up and deported as it is unacceptable to have such deviants living
here. Why should he be allowed to get away with mocking my disability and
expressing hatred for it. Please arrest him.
Unfortunately, I was born with a sexual orientation
that my husband finds hateful. I am aliensexual. It means that I only want to
have sex with extraterrestrials. I am not bothered if they are man extraterrestrials
or woman extraterrestrials, but they have to be extraterrestrials otherwise I
am not interested in going to bed with them. My husband thinks that my desire
to sleep with extraterrestrials is sinful, not that I have sinned of course
because I have been unable to find any extraterrestrials. But he mocks my
desire and thinks that all aliensexual people in Scotland should be rounded up
and deported ideally to the nearest planet. Please arrest him.
Unfortunately, although I was born female I have since
transformed into an angel. This means that I am a purely spiritual being
without sex or gender. I am a trans-angel. But my husband denies that I am a spiritual
being and keeps telling me that it is impossible for a woman to become an
angel. But it is possible because I feel like an angel and despite people being
able to see my body, I know that my body does not exist, and I am living on a
higher plane far above that of my husband. But he wants to kill all trans-angels
and even though that is impossible because we are immortal, I really wish police
Scotland would arrest him before he tries.
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