Once upon a time there was a Queen called Nancy and her
husband Paul. The trouble is that Nancy wanted to be King, and Paul wanted to
be a Queen. So, Nancy came up with an idea that would give both of them what
they wanted. Paul would become Paula and then she could love boys in a way she
had never loved Nancy and Nancy would become Nathan and then she could love
girls in a way that she had never loved Paul.
It would all be very simple for both Nancy and Paul. They
wouldn’t need to go to the doctor. They’d just have to promise to either always
wear dresses or always wear trousers and after three months they would get a
certificate that now they were Queens and Kings respectively.
There was also a long-term friend of Queen Nancy.
Agnes Grey supported their political ideals as did her brother Barry Simmonds. Both
brother and sister were very rich, although their backgrounds were humble. They
had worked hard and were hoping to enjoy a deserved quiet retirement.
But Agnes did not like the idea that Nancy could
become Nathan after just 3 months without a doctor’s involvement. She reminded
Nancy that she had given her many donations. But Nancy didn’t listen and was
unwilling to turn down the chance of becoming Nathan. Agnes was angry.
A short time afterwards Agnes found herself being accused
of the most bizarre crime imaginable. She had always done a lot of charity work
both at home and abroad, but suddenly she was being accused of the very crime
that she had spent decades trying to prevent.
This was a cold way indeed to begin the year. She
phoned Nancy to see if anything could be done to clear up the misunderstanding
and to remove the obviously false charge on her reputation. But Nancy was still
angry with Agnes and refused to do anything to help.
This Queenly refusal or should it be Kingly refusal
had worked well when King Alan the Usurper had tried to topple her. He too had
pleaded for help, but Nancy had very nearly got him sent to jail and despite
his escape from a prison sentence Nancy’s reputation had remained intact even
when an inquiry came close to proving she had lied. Nancy would see off Agnes
just as easily.
But Agnes was better at business than Nancy and she
knew a forensic accountant who had the skill to look into all the outgoings and
ingoings of the realm. He discovered who paid what and when who spent what and
when and discovered that Paul and Nancy were economical not merely with the
truth but with their donations.
Nancy’s kingdom wanted to leave a bigger kingdom of
which it was a part. There had been jousting contest to determine the result,
but Nancy had lost. She wanted a second joust and had asked the kingdom for
funds to put on the tournament.
600,000 ducats had been raised, but unfortunately one
day Paul came to Nancy and told her that he didn’t know what had happened to
the ducats. Maybe they had been spent on last year’s grand ball, perhaps they
had been spent on red dresses or perhaps on sex change operations. He really
couldn’t say.
But now the forensic accountant employed by Agnes, who
may or may not have been her brother Barry had proved that the Flounder dynasty was
indeed floundering.
By this stage it was the second month of the year and
the Grand Inquisitor Ishmael Lockwood paid Nancy a visit.
He interviewed Nancy and cautioned her to tell the
truth. He presented his evidence and Nancy realised she would never become
Nathan instead she hoped merely to avoid the fate she had tried to arrange for
the usurper Alan.
If you resign tomorrow said the Grand Inquisitor, I
will retire in the next few months too. But you must go. Tell the scribes
anything you want about being tired or wanting to spend more time with your
family, not that you have a family of course, but abdicate and we will try to ignore
the 600,000 ducats.
And so it came to pass that Agnes Grey showed herself
to be much more than a mere governess, more skilled than any nurse and better at
the business of destroying the Flounder dynasty than Nancy/Nathan could ever
have guessed.
Agnes was vindicated. She was good. She was true. She
had committed no crimes. But the Flounder dynasty died without issue and the
idea of a second jousting tournament died with them. And so
We all lived happily ever after.
