Saturday, 26 August 2017

Wallace must fall

By an amazing piece of good luck the Aberdeen branch of the Wallace Must Fall Campaign has discovered a hitherto unknown letter between William Wallace and Robert the Bruce. One of the problems of medieval history is that so few contemporary sources survive. We are forced to rely frequently on Blind Harry whose reliability as a witness is hindered not merely by him being blind, but more importantly by the fact that he lived some hundreds of years after the events he describes. But finally we have a contemporary source which provides us with insight into the mind of Wallace and the motivations for his actions.

In time it is hoped that a full facsimile of the letter will be published, but for the moment it is necessary to rely on a summary. In the letter Wallace expresses his concern about his serfs and expresses his fears about the malign influence of Magna Carta (1215) spreading to Scotland. With wonderful insight into the future Wallace foresees that limiting the rights of the English barons will limit the power of the English king. He realises that ultimately it is bound to lead to a peasants’ revolt and with it the end of serfdom. In order to maintain the rights of the nobility in Scotland, Wallace concludes, it is necessary to fight the English who otherwise will bring with them emancipation.

The Wallace Must Fall Campaign already knew that both Wallace and Bruce were slaveholders. Every member of the nobility in Scotland owned serfs, which is of course another word for slave. What was unknown until now was that the motivation of Wallace in fighting for “freedom” was to maintain the slavery of those serfs that he owned.

It is clearly unacceptable to have statues of slaveholders, especially when they fought a war of independence precisely in order to maintain the bondage of these slaves. It is for this reason that the Aberdeen branch of the Wallace Must Fall Campaign proposes to put a rope around the neck of the statue of William Wallace and pull it down.

Meanwhile the Aberdeen branch of the Bonnie Prince Charlie Must Fall Campaign has discovered a hitherto unknown letter in which he expresses admiration for the fact that there is still serfdom in Scotland. In fact there were Scottish serfs until 1799. Charles Edward describes this as just one of the many reasons for why he wants aims to get his father’s kingdom back. He likewise expresses his disdain for the so called “glorious” revolution of 1688 and the Bill of Rights that came with it in 1689. Once more the dreadful Magna Carta codified into law along with other malign documents such as the Petition of Right (1628) and the Habeas Corpus Act (1679) seeks to limit the rights of Scottish kings and nobles. This must be resisted in the name of FREEEEEDOM. All of these attempts to restrict the divine right of the Bonnie Prince are intolerable. He goes on to express his admiration for the Clan system (i.e. feudalism) whereby members of the clan must work for the chief without pay. Charles Edward describes how he hopes to spread this system of bondage throughout his father’s kingdom. What works so well in Ballachulish ought to work still better in Bedford. Think of the costs saved when the kingdom had no need to pay wages.

The Aberdeen Branch of the Bonnie Prince Charlie Must Fall Campaign thinks it is disgraceful that modern Scottish nationalists call themselves after the 1745 campaign to bring slavery to Britain. Unfortunately there is no statue of Charles Edward Stuart in Aberdeen, but it is prosed to erect such a statue for the purpose of then toppling it.

Meanwhile the Aberdeen branch of the Robert Burns Must Fall Campaign have discovered a letter which adds to what we already know about the poet’s intention of working on a slave plantation in Jamaica. The hypocrisy of Burns is fully shown. While he was willing to write The Slave's Lament he had less than enlightened views about black people and used words about them that would see him condemned by any right thinking person in the world today. It is clearly unacceptable to have a statue of someone who wished to earn his wages on the back of slaves. Luckily there is such a statue of Robert Burns in Aberdeen so it will be unnecessary to erect one before tearing it down.

The Aberdeen branches of the Wallace, Bonnie Prince Charlie, and Burns Must Fall Campaigns are looking to further their work of ridding Aberdeen of all monuments to anyone who in any way is unworthy of being looked at. It would greatly appreciate suggestions of any other monument that should be torn down. With luck our campaign will spread and in time there will be no unsuitable monuments at all in Aberdeen and then if others follow this example no more such monuments in Scotland. Today Aberdeen, Tomorrow the world!


  1. The silly Braveheart movie turned a generation of kids into grievance monkeys. In doing so it caused a lot of trouble for this country. As a friend of mine says: "the best bit is when he gets executed".

    I notice they never made any Braveheart sequels. You could have had Braveheart 2 - the Scots rape Northern England. Or Braveheart 3 - the Scots butcher the Irish. Or Braveheart 4 - the Scots commit treason to place an Italian on the throne (Ayyyy!)

    Curiously enough, none of these were ever made - only films making the English look like c****

    1. Well said . The nats dont like the real facts

    2. (Oh, here we go, the Amazing Disappearing Post again—God forbid that one should supply helpful links… Particularly annoying after putting up with that prove you’re not a robot nonsense.
      So let’s try again sans links—if any of the few passing readers of this blog are interested in the referenced articles, they’ll just have to ‘goolag’ the titles and put some more shekels into Sundar Pichai’s ample wallet.)

      Not only the nats, martin, but the Australian-accented, Vietnam War-dodging Yank that made the travesty that was Braveheart.

      Braveheart is No.2, The Patriot No.4 and Apocalypto is No.6 in The Times’ ‘The 10 most historically inaccurate movies’ (Let’s see if I can get away with this link.)

      ‘The Patriot: more flag-waving rot with Mel Gibson’ by Alex von Tunzelmann
      ‘Mel Gibson’s latest hero: a rapist who hunted Indians for fun’ The Guardian
      ‘Truth is first casualty in Hollywood’s war’ by Ben Fenton Daily Telegraph

      History Buffs: Apocalypto. ‘… So, I’m going to end my review about your movie with a more appropriate quote from Alfred Tennyson: “A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.” ’ y-o-u-t-u-b-e
      ‘Everything Wrong With Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto : An Archaeological Standpoint’
      ‘Betraying The Maya’ by Professor of Anthropology David Freidel
      ‘Apocalypto and the end of the wrong civilisation’ by Alex von Tunzelmann The Guardian

      ‘Braveheart, Fact or Fiction’ by Ewan J. Innes, MA(Hons Scot. Hist.) FSA Scot ‘… Mel Gibson’s portrayal of William Wallace was in the 1995 film Braveheart. The short answer is that it hasn’t an iota of fact in it. …’
      ‘“Historians from England will say I am a liar,” says Mel Gibson in the voiceover. Yup, says Alex von Tunzelmann’ The Guardian
      ‘Braveheart Errors: An Illustration of Scale’ by Sharon L. Krossa, Medieval Scotland

      And for laughs:
      Stewart Lee’s take on Wallace and Braveheart: Put tHA1ufmLZQY at the end of the y-o-u-t-u-b-e URL.
      Braveheart the romcom: Put T7fOpTll1Vg at the end of the y-o-u-t-u-b-e URL.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. Shame Lee had to get the Scottish audience on-side by indulging in an anti-English rant. But then, he is in Scotland, a country that doesn't exist except for the fact it "isnae Englan'".

  2. A good satire Effie, enjoyed that. Just adding that it is not certain that Burns wrote The Slave's Lament. Professor Carruthers thanks not.

    And while the image of the clan system is Lochiel leading his 'family' to Lochiel, the reality was Lochiel's brutal brother forcing poor tenants to take part. The clan system was indeed shit.

  3. Could I pleass have sources? Hope it's not a problem. I have found this to make sense so wish to use it needs soirces.

    Many thanks,


  4. Nice satire...I tip my hat to Effie on this one.

    Big Aldo of course just falls into a serf one could say...Hang in there mate you'll get the Order of Jackie Bird in a few years for services to Britain.

    It'll be well worth it.

    1. Up to a point ... slightly overdone for successful satire - but a worthy effort. Better luck next time!


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