Chapter 13
The meeting in the end
had not been difficult to arrange, but it had required some thought on my
part. I could stay out of things, more
or less observing, from the side but with a little bit of direction, or I could
act. I chose to act. I had been pondering all along this action, but the night
before had determined my course. I had to act. The alternative was just too
uncertain. I didn’t think the alternative really had a chance. Galina wasn’t
going to change. It had been worth seeing how things had played out. But I had
to make a judgement call, and there came a moment when I realised that I had to
play my card. It may be that I was wrong to do so. But there is always a moment
when a choice has to be made. I had reached that moment the night before when I
left David and Galina. It’s a terrible responsibility we have sometimes when
our actions can have outcomes that are unforeseen and affect lives in ways that
none of us can guess. But failure to act is also an action so there is no
ducking the responsibility. What right did I have to act? I had been asked to. Galina’s
mother had been desperate. I promised to do all I could and I kept my promise.
Galina came into the
guru’s rooms. She had a look of bewilderment on her face. She just did not
expect to be there. She could think of no reason why she might have been called
there. No-one ever went to the guru’s room. It just wasn’t done. Here was where
he needed to prepare and relax. She looked around her shyly. She took in some
of the luxurious décor. She noticed me. Our eyes briefly met and I saw a
mixture of confusion and hostility. Above all, I saw the question what are you
doing here?
The guru spoke and as usual his wife translated. I
don’t think I said a word.
“Please sit down, Garudi,” the guru said.
“But what?”
“Don’t worry, you’ve
done nothing wrong. It’s just we need to have a little chat.”
Galina sat in such a
way that it was as if she was trying not to touch the seat with her bottom. It
was obvious that she felt intensely embarrassed to have been chosen to come
here. I understand she had been performing her usual tasks, helping serve lunch
when the message had come down to her that she was wanted in the guru’s room
that instant. Again the whispers went round the community. There were one or
two smirks from some of the men. But these immediately received glares. It was
unheard of for the guru to meet someone in his rooms, but there were occasional
whispers. But then again, the whole morning had been unusual. Some of them
remembered how I had approached the guru after the lecture and spoken a few
words in English to him, very quickly. I heard later how this had excited some
gossip, especially when soon after Garudi had been summoned to see the guru. The
Hare Krishnas were just like all of us, just people who talked about each other
and speculated about those in the group. Where would any of us be if we
couldn’t talk about our friends a little maliciously now and then, especially
when they are not there?
Galina bowed her head and made a sign of reverence.
“What can I do for you?”
“I have been your guide
for some time and I’ve come to think of you as one of my best, one of my most
devoted followers. You have always done what I said, without asking too much,
knowing that I have a reason for asking what I do.”
“Yes.”
“Are you willing to do what I tell you now?”
“If I can.”
“I want you to go with
this woman right now and fly with her to Kaliningrad. I understand a flight
will be arranged as soon as you get to the airport. You are only to take with
you what you have here. We will send someone to gather together what you have
at your flat.”
“What am I to do in Kaliningrad?”
“You are to live with your parents, get a job, live
normally.”
“And what about those
things we have been learning together. What of India? What of the next trip
that we are going to take together?”
“I’m sorry, Garudi, but
we are going to have to part now. I have been called elsewhere and my services
are needed far from here.”
“But why? Why so suddenly?”
“I’m unable to tell you all of these things.”
On her face was a mixture of anger, confusion and
even betrayal.
“But you yourself told
me to leave my home and to come to Moscow and to follow you.”
“And now I’m telling
you to go back. Garudi, I tell you these things because I am further along the
path and can best judge what is best for you. That is why you follow and I
lead.”
Galina looked at me with hostility.
“What has this to do
with you? What have you done?” she said in rapid fire Russian.
When this was translated for him, the guru answered
as I had not said a word.
“Evgenia Ivanovna was
kindly sent here to observe. She is a friend and most highly respected in our
community. She was sent by people who guide me.”
Galina looked absolutely dumbfounded at this new
revelation.
“I don’t understand. I
have known her for years. She hasn’t been involved. We used to talk, she always
rather disapproved.”
“There are many things
you don’t know, Garudi. For the moment you must simply accept. Will you?”
“I will reluctantly.”
“Will you go with
Evgenia Ivanovna to Kaliningrad and then agree to stay with your parents?”
I saw Galina hesitate.
It was all too sudden. A few minutes ago she had been lost in her trance and
dreaming of India. A few more weeks of hard work and she’d be able once more to
forget the snowy pavements of Moscow and she’d be once more in the din and the
crowds of India. She’d find her cell in the nunnery and the old lady who was
her friend. They would communicate more or less with their hands, but they
would communicate. All day long she would have peace and quiet to say her
mantra. But then she remembered that David would be along, too. She had agreed,
or more or less agreed. Wasn’t that where they had left things last night?
Where would he fit into the nunnery? It was this, above all, that had caused
her to rebel the night before. And yet another part of her wanted to be with
him. She wanted those talks they sometimes had. She remembered even in the
beginning how even with broken Russian he had been able to get some idea across
that she had never thought of before. She liked the idea that he loved her, she
wanted that to continue. It made her feel, but then she shook of the idea of
what it made her feel.
Now she was faced with
going back to Kaliningrad in January. She knew exactly what it would be like,
with much of the harbour frozen. She would find some dull job, but this time
there would be little to look forward to. There would be her parents and some
friends she had dropped some years ago, but what would happen to all the things
she had valued these past couple of years? What would happen to Krishna?
“You are asking me to give up a lot?” Galina said.
“I am doing what I
think is best for you.” I could see that the guru was looking just a little
desperate.
“Can’t you explain a little?”
“No, Garudi. I can’t.
But I can tell you a little. I have to go where you cannot follow. I have other
work to do. I want you to listen to Evgenia Ivanovna. I want you to treat her
as your guru”
Galina looked at me
with surprise again. How could the guru be saying this? What did it mean?
“But she’s not.”
“You don’t know what
she is, who she is. But if you have any respect for anything I have told you
over the past years, you must do as I say. Will you?”
I saw the struggle even in the slight pause, but in
the end, she had no choice and so she said the word.
“Yes.”
“Now goodbye, Garudi. I doubt that we will see each
other again and I won’t be able to write to you. I have to take a different
path.”
I saw the relief on his
face as Galina agreed to go with me. For one brief moment I’d seen doubt cross
his face. Would she obey? Everything had depended on that.
A few hours later I was
on a flight to Kalingrad. Galina was sitting next to me. I had helped her
gather her things together and we had ordered a taxi. We sat more or less the
whole way in silence. She was still in shock. What had happened to her was the
equivalent of a car accident. She had been on a path, everything had been more
or less planned. Her future had stretched ahead in a known way. That path had
been set by her guru and knowing she was tending towards her goal had helped
her over the bumps along the way. It had been difficult for her to leave her
parents, but she had done what her guru had told her. When she had explained to
him how they had tried to persuade her from the path, he had shown her why she
must drop all those with views that differed from complete devotion to Krishna.
It had been difficult to leave, but really life was easier surrounded by those
who also were on the same path. But why then
had the guru told her to go back to her parents? She kept looking across at me.
She thought it must have had something to do with me. But what could I have
done to make the guru act in the way that he did?
At around this time,
the guru was on a flight to London. He had quickly assembled everyone who was
still there and told them that he had been called away. When someone asked
about his return, he was vague. He told them to keep saying their mantra, but I
understand that he wasn’t that bothered anymore about keeping up the guru act.
He had washed his face and was dressed in western clothes. He just said ‘I’m
sorry I don’t have time for explanations’.
I understand his wife
went with him to the airport. I’m not quite sure what he told her, but I doubt
that it was the truth. She obviously could not join him immediately as she
didn’t have a visa. In fact, she was unable to join him at all. I’m not sure at
what point she realised this. It may have been at the airport, when he looked
into her eyes and said goodbye. She might well have sensed that this was the
last time that she would see him. Would it have been then that she began to
first feel doubts about the guru? Or would she have kept waiting for “un bel di”.
She had been picked out from the crowd of followers because of her face, but
above all, because of her eyebrows and her eyelashes. For just such a reason Lavrentiy
Beria would pick someone he came across in passing. She would be taken to him
in the Lubyanka and if she was lucky, she would emerge later not too much the
worse for wear from the experience. She had been chosen because the way she had
looked had satisfied the demands of the day, but really she was a victim of her
beauty.
I wonder sometimes
whether the long blonde lasted after the departure of the guru. His wife had
been very beautiful indeed, but I wonder if later she looked in the mirror and
rather regretted that beauty. I wonder if she might at some point cut it with
dress making scissors, or if she would just move on to the next guru. Either
way, she was just one more casualty of the power she no doubt most valued when
growing up, the power to attract.
Names, too, have a
power that people don’t always realise. I had approached the guru earlier and
asked to talk to him in private. He had been dismissive and arrogant.
“I’m afraid, I don’t
talk in private. If you have something that concerns you there are many people
here who can help. They can convey a message to me.”
I approached him closely and whispered.
“I think you really
ought to talk to me in private, Robin. Otherwise, I might have to tell everyone
what I have to say.”
He turned pale and
looked at me. I gave him my special look that I had refined over those years.
The look and the slight nod, said ‘yes, I do know who you are and I do know
what you have done’.
It had needed a few
weeks of work both in Russia and the UK. I had travelled to Cambridge to
discuss things with old friends and colleagues. I’d been put in touch with some
other people who were remarkably helpful. I did the same in Russia, sharing
what I had found out and comparing it with what they knew of the guru. I
gathered together a dossier. There’s no need to go into it in any great detail.
Suffice it to say that it included financial irregularities, visa
irregularities, the use of false names and multiple aliases around the world.
It seems that Robin had
rather a number of wives who were sometimes also translators. Some sort of
ceremony had usually taken place, but it wasn’t always a legal ceremony and
even if it had been legal according to local practices, it would have been
illegal anyway as he had a living wife in the UK. He travelled the world and
received donations from the faithful and he lived rather well. I had no idea
what he really believed. Perhaps, he actually did believe in Krishna, but he
also had holidays from all that, which involved him living as plain Robin
somewhere near London, where he had the sort of fun that his friends did.
During these times he never once mentioned Krishna, nor said any mantras.
In his room, when we
were alone, I had described some of this evidence. I told him about the various
names he had used in various places. I told him about the bank accounts, the
false accounting, the bigamy and the children who had been deserted. I told him,
moreover, of the laws of the Russian Federation that he had broken. I saw that
he was scared and so it had been hardly necessary for me to point out that
these might be rather unpleasant consequences. Russian jails are not exactly
pleasant places to stay in.
We made a deal. He
would get out of Russia that day and he would persuade Galina to go with me and
stay with her parents. He would try to persuade her to listen to what I had to
say. He would keep up his act as that would be the best way for him to
influence her. A confession that he was a charlatan would hardly help Galina.
Quite the reverse, then he would have no leverage on her at all. Finding out that the guru is a sinner, even a
charlatan does not after all mean that the devotee ceases to believe. How many
reverends have been found to not exactly practice what they preach? How many
have cooked the books? Some many fall away from the path, but most forgive the
sinner, especially if he shows the least sign of tearful repentance. I knew
that Galina’s faith did not depend on the guru, but I also thought he was the
one person who could get her to do what otherwise would have been
impossible.
He was remarkably
pragmatic. He didn’t even try to fight it. Most likely, he had been in this
position before and he was simply grateful for a way out. I told him it was
highly unlikely that he would be given another visa to visit Russia, and,
indeed, that if he had any sense, he would break all contact with those he had
met here. I think he was only too grateful to do so.
He knew, of course,
that he might have to face some of these charges in the UK. But better there
than in Russia. Who knows, perhaps he could manage to get off some of the
charges or else maybe he would just find another name. As long as he could find
another name, all would be well. It’s only when someone whispers in your ear
your real name that you need to worry.
That day I took Galina
home. Her parents were delighted. They thanked me profusely and Galina
understood that I had been sent to rescue her. But she had no idea whatsoever
how I had done it. Nor indeed did her parents. It wasn’t my business what
happened to the guru. I didn’t care. My mission had been to get Galina home. I
had succeeded.
But I already knew that
it would probably fail in the long term. It was for this reason that I had
encouraged David. Only he could have saved her. I could get Galina home, but
what could I do to make her stay. She would stay for a while, because her guru
had told her too. But as the weeks passed and there was no word from him, she
would look for another guru. I doubted very much that it would be me. I just
might have been a high level Hare Krishna in deep cover as the guru had
suggested, but I don’t think, Galina ever really believed that. Once the guru
was gone, his authority, too, was gone. She had no reason to follow me, not
least because if I hoped to influence her, it would be in the same way as
before. Could I have argued for existentialism from the deep cover of the Hare
Krishnas? That would indeed have been deep, all too deep. Galina knew very well
what I believed and she knew that I was on a different path to hers. So I had
little enough influence. She had rejected what I had to say long ago. Meanwhile,
I reflected she would keep saying her mantra. She would keep learning her
Sanskrit. She would keep singing her songs and reading her stories about
Krishna. Within a short time she would be off again.
But I had given her a
chance. I had given her parents a chance to talk to her. I had also given David
a chance. Perhaps, he could meet her once more in Kaliningrad. There was
something that joined them, but there was also something that separated them. I
had seen both of these things. Galina loved David, or at least she loved him as
much as any living man except Krishna. She wanted David to love her. It made
her feel like a woman. Perhaps, it was the only thing that made her feel that
way. He made her feel beautiful in a way that didn’t depend on how she looked.
He didn’t care at all about her clothes or her hair cut with pinking shears. This
was already a lot. It was more than many couples have and yet when he had
embraced her, even though their embrace was close, even though there was
practically no physical barrier, yet there was an infinite distance, because
she could not quite bear to be held so. He felt this also even as he felt the hint
of her desire that was unable to compete with her slight shudder at being held.
Could Galina love David
back? He had been patient with her. More patient perhaps than any man she was
likely to find. He was probably her one chance of really being rescued. I could
do nothing further. When I returned home that night exhausted, I already knew
that I would never see Galina again. When I had left, there was a look of
hatred in her eyes. She didn’t know what I had done, but she resented it. She
resented me.
“Who are you?” she had said to me. “David called you
Effie.”
“Some people do.”
“But who are you? What do you do? Where are you
from?”
“I’m from here, Galina. You know that.”
“What right did you have to interfere? I was happy.”
“Your mother asked me to.”
“What right did she have?”
“This looks like rebellion, Galina. Your guru told
you to come back here.”
“But he did so because of you, Effie.”
“I think Zhenya works
better in Russian. Don’t you? I simply told your guru that your parents wanted
to see you. He’s a reasonable man and he agreed. Why don’t we meet for coffee
some time? As I recall, he appointed me to take over.”
“I don’t think so,” she
said. “When I see that look in your eyes, I rather tremble sometimes. Goodbye.”
She said the word that
means goodbye forever in Russian and so I knew that I would not see her again.
“I’ve failed,” I told my husband. “This won’t last.”
“You have done all you
could. You achieved more than I expected. Besides there’s, David. There’s still
a chance.”